There's been something on my mind ever since the wedding a few weeks ago. While sitting there, watching one of my best friends glide down the aisle towards the love of her life, I realized something; I couldn't imagine doing this with anyone. Not to say that I can't see myself getting married, because I very much so see myself doing that. Let's face it, I'd make an awesome husband (tell your lady friends). But what I couldn't picture was pledging my life to anyone currently in my life. You see, over the last year I believed that I had fallen in love. Twice, as a matter of fact. But I don't think I ever really thought about what it meant to be in love with anyone. I think I do that quite a lot. I'm always so eager to find someone who likes me back that on the rare occasions when I do, I tend to do whatever I have to do in order to feel in love with them. But actually watching two people who have decided to spend the rest of their lives together made me realize that I'm not ready to do with anyone I already know. At least, not as I currently know them.
It's been getting harder and harder not to feel like I'm wasting my life. I mean, just what exactly am I doing here? What am I moving towards? Walked into an interview the other day. The EP really wanted me for the position so I figured the interview was just a formality. I talk to the Line Producer. She's blunt, which is a nice change from what you normally get from people out here. All seems to be going well. That is until she tells me that over a months worth of shooting would be done in St. Louis, but that I wouldn't get to go along. DA FUCK?! The Associate Producer, who is from St. Louis, wouldn't get to come along because the multimillion dollar company that shoots the show doesn't want to pay for a damn plane ticket?! Though I didn't tell her, the rest of the interview became irrelevant. So I sat and listened, waiting for the proper time to take my leave. But that's when it happened. She started to describe the job responsibilities. Some of which I already expected, but others that, to be frank, scared the shit out of me. Suddenly I was uninterested in the job because I was too afraid of all of the responsibility it was going to come with. And that was the worst feeling of all. And to top things off, the Line Producer read me like a book. She knew right away that I didn't want to be here. That I had no interest in reality television. She told I need to be focusing on doing every single thing within my power to get out. Thing is though, I have no idea what I have within my power to do.
Anyone close to me will tell you that I often don't see the value in myself, and that this is why no girl can see the value in me. So in an attempt to enlighten, here's a list of why you should date me:
- You will always be the pretty one in the relationship.
- People may mistake me for your body guard, and thus assume you're someone famous.
- If you're not black, your parents will feel better about themselves after initially worrying about their daughter dating a black guy, but then realizing I'm, in fact, awesome.
- If you are black, you'll feel better knowing that there has been one less black man "stolen" by a white woman.
- I own all of the Star Wars movies, so our Saturday nights are set!
- If we have kids someday, rest that our daughter will know how to handle firearms long before any of those little boys come around.
- H.U.G.S.
- Seriously, my hugs are amazing.
- I mean have you ever hugged me?!
- I'm jealous I can't hug myself!
- I watch ALL THE TELEVISION, so your love affair with Netflix is just fine with me.
- I'll never judge you for ordering fries instead of a salad. In fact I'll probably just ask you for a few fries.
No comments:
Post a Comment