Week 6

I've been drankin....I've been drankin.......no seriously..........

     So in another attempt to do something different, I decided to write this blog after having a few drinks. (I've only had one glass of wine.....after having a full bottle of wine.....shut up). So today, I'm going to talk about dreams, and the cost of following them. But first, I need to refill my glass.

10 minutes later........

    In just the last few days I have been told multiple times that I am making people proud by doing what I'm doing. I've been told that I am a rare gem amongst a sea of individuals who like to talk, but never do. Just earlier today I was told that I was such a smart guy that I would move up fast in my industry.

     Now, while I do appreciate all of the praise, and I sincerely do, and while I will pat myself on the back for what I've done out here in such a short amount of time, I would just like to say, that I haven't done anything that someone following a dream hasn't already done. I'm not a trailblazer, or a pathfinder, or any other cool sounding name for a fictional hero. I'm just a guy. I've never been special. All I've ever wanted to do was keep my head down and go about my business. And for the record, this is not self deprecation. I'm just stating cold hard facts like a Coors light commercial.

   

 I moved out here for one simple fact. I could not do what I love to do in St. Louis. My options were to uproot my life and relocate it else where, or settle into some minimum wage job, hope to move up to middle management some day, and basically chalk those 4 years I spent in college up as an extended vacation with free lessons in alcohol tolerance.

     All of that being said, my point is this, ANYONE can follow their dream. And I mean absolutely anyone(yes, even you!). As far as I can tell, we only one life.One chance here. Why spend it doing anything other than following your dreams? Are you afraid that it will cost you money? What else would you rather be spending it on? In the grand scheme of things, it costs us nothing to follow our dreams. Yet so few people actually do it. And that's a shame.

     Now, all of THAT being said. I can not, and will not say that following your dreams will be easier. Nor will I say it will work out for you in the end. Because, to be honest, I don't know where this road will take you. I don't know where it's taking me. I haven't had enough time to fail, or succeed at what I'm doing. All I know is that everyday is a challenge that scares the shit out of me. But where would I be, if not here?

P.S. If you ever need reassurance that things aren't as bad as they could be, spend a few days out in the desert. It's 108 degrees in the shade, and thanks to climate change, has the ability to be as humid as a gorillas nut sack. After spending 3 days out there, I was finally able to call this place home. And that's something.

Week 5

Let's talk about sex baby...let's talk about you and me....let's talk about all the good things and the bad things we can be...let's talk about sex....

Ok, let me explain.

     I figured this whole me giving little updates on my day to day life out here was getting old for all 3 of you that read this, so let's change it up a bit.

     Let me start by saying that moving is a very lonely process. And it doesn't really help that just last night I was hit with the pretty fucking obvious realization that for the first time in my life, I live alone. Completely alone. Why did it take so long for that hit me?

     One thing I've noticed since coming out here is how my mind has started to focus incessantly on girls back home. Some of whom I've never actually thought about before. So why now? No doubt, my desire to be back home where things were simpler and less scary has started to manifest itself in the form of feelings for girls who remind me of those simpler and scarier times. Which essentially just makes things worse because it leads me to thinking about home even more.

     And just to make things more interesting, I've started to discover that loneliness causes you to think about sex ALL THE FUCKING TIME! It's bad enough being a guy and not being able to go more than just a few seconds without thinking about it, but now it seems that thoughts about sex are on a constant loop in my head. As you can imagine, it makes it very hard to concentrate Especially in a place like L.A. where beautiful women are plentiful.

So what to do?

Nothing I guess. Wait for things to even out and become normal. Seems to be what I've been doing for a few years now.

P.S. Just in the event that someone was interested in my day to day out here, I'll tell you that my apartment finally seems to be coming together now that I have internet, cable, and a queen size sofa-bed from ikea. Which reminds me, at some point in  your life, either you or someone you know will want to go to ikea on a Saturday. As innocent as this may sound, you should NEVER go there. Your future and well being will depend on it. JUST SAY NO!

Week 4

It doesn't get easier, does it......Yeah I didn't think so........

     So it's officially been a week (and 2 days as I write this) since I moved here and I have yet to reach a point where I haven't been exhausted. Between work, buying and moving stuff into my apartment, and not having a real bed to sleep on,  figure it's only a matter of days before I have some sort of psychotic breakdown. But you know, yay for following your dreams and shit.

   So how's life in the big city, you ask? It's FUCKING EXPENSIVE. Granted, I knew this would be the case before I came out here, but there's nothing like experiencing it first hand. It damn near makes me sick to my stomach to think about what I'm paying for the size apartment I have. I can't help but to keep looking back at place we had in Springfield, or the places I looked at in St. Louis. Maybe that's my problem, I keep looking at the past. But who could keep from doing it when the future seems so daunting?

     I know I know, I should stop complaining. I mean I did it, right? I made it here. I left St. Louis, unlike everyone else who just like to talk about leaving. I'm following my dreams.....

Maybe this time next week, I'll be able to be excited about all of that.

Week 3

 
 I find that one of the greatest compliments someone can ever give me is to tell them I make them laugh.

And that has absolutely NOTHING to do with this post.

     Let me just say that no matter what you're going through, how you feel, or what you think, life will work itself out. That being said.

HOLY SHIT!!!

     A week ago I was at home in St. Louis, completely stressing about the next few days to come. As heavy as I felt, I also felt as if I was gliding along, but not in a euphoric, "I just took some really great X" sort of way. Everyone kept asking me if I was excited for the move but I could never bring myself to say yes. To be honest all I could think about was how much I didn't want to go back to not sleeping in my own bed. I didn't want to leave my family room chair (that I hate with a passion). I didn't want to leave my dog Shadow. Here I was, on the verge of finally doing what I've been wanting to do since 2011, and I didn't want to leave.

     But on Friday morning, leave is exactly what I did. Me and my father made the 1800 mile trek to my new "home" of Los Angeles. And I must admit, no matter how this may make me look in your eyes, I cried the moment I dropped him off at LAX. I couldn't help it. It was at that moment where it felt real. Where I felt my life had completely changed and there was no going back, no matter how much I may have wanted to.

   But eventually my tears dried, and I started on the long list of things I needed to do. And after 5 days, I can say that I have both a job AND my own apartment. Don't ask me how. I have no idea how all of this has happened so fast, but I do know I am completely exhausted.

And it's only just beginning.....