Failure. Failure is why I get so overwhelmed so easily. Or at least, the fear of failure. Here's how it works: First, I get a new job, or a new task at my current job. Then, my natural distaste for change kicks in simultaneously as my fear of doing things for the first time. For some people, this fear that kicks in is a challenge; an opportunity to shine. For me, it's a signal to retreat into an unproductive ball of nothingness. After all, I can't fail if I don't try right? RIGHT?!
Wrong. So fucking wrong. I can't explain why my brain is convinced that not taking action isn't failure. I KNOW for a fact that it is. So why the shutdown when faced with something new and scary? I don't know. Perhaps I'm a coward. I'm almost sure that's it. Some people will try to convince me otherwise. I should try to believe them. But it's so hard when all you want is to get a good grasp on what it is you do for a living. When all you want to do is not feeling like the weak link on the team. When all you want to do is feel like you belong. When you're so underwhelmingly overwhelmed.
