Week 27

Perhaps the truest test of adulthood is to not go running back home as soon as things get tough.

     Anyone who's spoken to me lately knows that all I've been able to think about is coming back home for the holidays. It's the only thing that's gotten me through the last few weeks, especially with work pushing me closer and closer to the point of fuck it. I've been relying on this trip as a sort of recharge. But now that I'm here, I think I'm realizing that it's not going to be that easy.

     It's true that going home makes us revert back to our old selves. Old habits and desires. Even feelings for old crushes. So far I've had no desire other than to act like a lazy child. And it's nice, to be honest. But there's something else there. The unnerving feeling that it's all just a facade. Things aren't really this good. They never have been. This is a problem I've always had with vacations; the knowing that it's all going to end very soon.

      And the cold hard truth of the matter is that I do have to go back. No matter how much I may think I want to stay. No matter how much I think I'll be happier back here in the place where I was never really happy before. This isn't where I belong, and I cannot be allowed to forget that. No matter how much I wish I could.

Oh yeah, MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Week 26

Secrets...........Yup

     If I know anything it's that everyone has secrets. Big and small. Short and tall. I don't know a single person who isn't keeping AT LEAST one secret from me and other people. And although we rarely think about it, secrets are a big part of life.

     I'm writing this because I too have secrets. And lately they've been on my mind quite a bit. Whether we realize it or not, secrets tend to run our lives. We orchestrate things in order that no one ever find out what we are keeping. We go to great lengths to make sure no one find out what lies within the darkest corners of our minds.

     I guess I should apologize to anyone who believed that by the end of this post that they would learn my secret(s). As it stands I have no intention of revealing what has been plaguing my mind. Too many eyes may see this, and I'm not ready for the truth to be released. But rest assured that there is something there, and I doubt it will go away anytime soon. And I wonder if she knows.

     

Week 25

Love.....ok, here we go.

     Anyone even remotely close, or who's friends with me on Facebook, knows that I am a firm believer in love. And not just the notion of roses, heart-shaped boxes, and Nat King Cole songs. I believe in the all of the laughter, sorrow, smiling, crying, heartache, joy, and overall work that goes into making love last. And it seems that believing that puts me in the minority in this day and age. And, if you really think about it, maybe it should.

     We live in a strange time. A time of Facebook and Twitter and an unrealistic expectation of instant gratification. A time of Twilight and 50 Shades of Gray and Justin Bieber. I'm not sure what that las thing has to do with anything, but my point is that we live in a very different time from whence our parents and grandparents came. So different that the old fashioned ideals about relationships and love may no longer fit. People these days don't have the patience for long relationships. They want love, and they want it now. And not just that, but they also need their significant other to look like Jennifer Lawrence or Liam Hemsworth. Anything else would be settling, and this is not a generation of settling. 

     Wether you agree with any of this doesn't matter, because you have to admit that changing of the times have rewired the minds of our generation. We've been raised to believe that love is recognizable from the start, and if it isn't there then, then it will never be. We've also become too accustomed to kids coming before marriage, and single parent households. All the while we scream for tradition to be upheld. For people to hold out for their true love and to recognize that there are more important things than looks and money. But maybe it's those of us screaming that need to evolve with the times. Maybe I need to evolve.

     

     Well, let's give this a shot. First thing to realize is that looks matter. There's no point in searching for love if you're not going to look the part, so keep your shit together and be attractive. Next, realize that sex is a must. The days of giving the relationship time before giving your body to someone are over. A lot of people (mostly guys) aren't willing to wait around, so if you want a chance, you've got to change up your mindset. But mostly, if you want real love, you've got to be ready to be completely miserable. Chances are you're going to come across quite a few assholes and bitches in your quest for everlasting happiness, and the hardest thing you'll have to do is pick up the pieces of your heart over and over again after these individuals get down with it. And even then nothing is guaranteed. I wish I believed that love came for all us, but I don't. I can't. But I do hope that those of you who are destined for it will recognize it when it arrives, and not just throw it away because it doesn't look like Taylor Lautner.